Why Relationships Matter More Than We Admit

I haven’t written in a while for many reasons, both good and hard.

The good reason is that my practice has been full and steady. I opened my doors in January, and I already find myself with a waitlist. I have a full caseload of wonderful couples and individuals who are aligned, committed, and doing the work. It has been deeply meaningful, and I’m grateful. But it has also meant time has been sparse.

The harder reason is more personal.

A few weeks ago, I learned that my favorite aunt (sorry to my other aunts) was diagnosed with lung cancer. This news carries its own weight, but it feels even more complicated because of distance. This aunt once lived with us in New York, but now she is back in Ireland. And there is a particular kind of pain that comes when the people you love are far away.

Because of this, and because of the many realities that come with being part of a first-generation immigrant family, my mom has left for six weeks to go to Ireland and care for her sister.

I miss my mom.

I miss my aunt.

I hate how far away everyone feels.

Recently, I was talking with a friend about how different my experience living in the Midwest has been from many of the people around me. I have never attended a big family funeral where generations gather and stories are shared. We don’t have that here. I have never had the kind of overflowing family holiday where cousins run through the house and everyone knows where they belong. No one is here.

And lately, distance seems to be a recurring theme. One of my close friends recently moved to Australia for a year.

Another person I care about far away.

Another reminder of how much relationships matter when space stretches between you.

And it makes me reflect on something I think about often in my work:

Relationships are not optional luxuries. They are foundational to being human.

We tend to talk about connection as though it is a bonus feature of life. Something nice if you can fit it in after work, after errands, after the schedules, after the stress. But connection is not extra. It is the thing.

Our lives are shaped by who is near us, who shows up for us, who knows our history, who notices when we’re struggling, who sits beside us in grief, who celebrates with us in joy.

When those relationships are missing, distant, fractured, or hard to access, people feel it deeply.

And this is not just the immigrant story.

So many people today feel disconnected from family, from community, from friendship, and from their partners. Modern life has made many of us efficient, productive, and independent, but not necessarily connected.

So today I’m thinking about relationships. About how vital they are. About how much they sustain us. About how easy it is to underestimate their role in our wellbeing until we feel their absence.

If there is someone you miss, tell them.

If there is someone you love, reach out.

If there is a relationship worth tending, tend to it.

Because in the end, relationships are not the side story of life.

They are the story.