Your Relationship Is Political

What we tolerate in public shapes what happens behind closed doors

I am worried.

I am worried about the current state of politics for many reasons, but specifically because of what it is teaching us about relationships.

As a therapist, I am worried about what the behavior of our leaders is covertly supporting inside our homes. Because politics do not stop influencing us when we turn off the TV.

When we dismiss someone treating others with contempt as “just the way they communicate,” like when Donald Trump called a reporter “piggy,” we are not just commenting on politics. We are modeling relationship behavior. We are saying that name calling and mockery are acceptable when they come from those in power.

When we dehumanize entire groups of people, we normalize domination, dismissal, and harm, even death, in the name of control.

We need to pause and ask ourselves what that teaches us behind closed doors.

How would it feel if your husband spoke to you the way Donald Trump spoke to that reporter?

How would it feel if cruelty in your home were justified as “just how things have to be”?

How would it feel if violence in your home were minimized as a necessary evil for order and control?

We have to ask these questions because our relationships are political.

Because what we tolerate publicly does not stay public.
It gets amplified privately, in our homes.

Behind closed doors, this looks like:
a partner who mocks instead of listens.
Questions met with sarcasm.
Eye rolling.
Name calling.
Violence. Physical abuse.

And then many of the people I work with tell themselves a familiar story.

This is not abuse.
It is just communication issues.
This is just how he communicates.
We just need better tools.

But abuse does not begin with fists.
It begins with permission.

Permission to humiliate.
Permission to belittle.
Permission to interrupt and dismiss.
Permission to frame harm as honesty and cruelty as confidence.

Politics shapes relationships because it shapes norms.
And norms shape what people feel entitled to do to one another.

This is why so many women and couples sit in my therapy room confused. They are not weak. They are not broken. They are trying to build intimacy in a culture that keeps teaching control, and that is moving more and more toward abusive forms of control.

What happens politically absolutely affects our homes and our relationships.
It determines whether care or control becomes the organizing principle of intimacy.

And my wish for you is simple.
A home built around care, not control.